


Necessary Introductions

by rsadelle



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, Held Down, Kink Discovery, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 00:10:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/pseuds/rsadelle
Summary: Harry introduces Nick to kink, and then to Mark.





	Necessary Introductions

Harry kicks at Nick's hip. "Can I ask you something?"

"I think you just did."

Harry snickers.

Nick grins at him.

"You tell me about a lot of your hookups," Harry says, his sentence slow and drawn out as usual. "And I just had a question."

"It's called the prostate, Harold," Nick says promptly. "It feels good if you touch it."

Harry dissolves into laughter. "I know that!"

Nick laughs with him; he loves making Harry laugh, and laughing with him is even better.

Harry's eyes are warm when they stop laughing. "Why don't you ever tell me about the ones who, like, hold you down and make you take it?"

Nick stares at him. What? "What?"

Harry fiddles with the rings on his fingers. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me about that kind of thing. I just wondered."

Nick lets out a nervous laugh. "What makes you think there are any who, uh, do that?"

"Because-" Harry blinks at him. "Because you like it."

Nick blinks back. "I've never done that."

They stare at each other in confused silence from either end of the sofa.

"Why not?" Harry asks, frowning.

Nick shrugs. "Never really wanted to."

Harry continues to frown at him. "But you would love it."

Nick lets out another one of those uncontrollable nervous laughs he doesn't think he's ever laughed around Harry before. "Harold, I think I am of an advanced enough age to know what I like in bed."

"Nicholas, I have slept with enough people to know what they like in bed." Harry shrugs. "I just think you would like it is all."

"Well, I've never tried it." Nick wraps his hand around Harry's ankle and shakes it. "I'm not keeping secrets from you, popstar."

Harry bends his toes to poke them into Nick's thigh. "Good. You shouldn't."

*

Two weeks later, Nick's on his knees in a toilet at a fashion event with a pretty young model's very pretty cock in his mouth. He's a very polite young man, with his hands resting on Nick's shoulders and not gripping too tight. It's all very nice, and then Nick thinks about Harry saying, "hold you down and make you take it," and then he's thinking about what it would be like if this very pretty boy put his very pretty hands in Nick's hair and held him in place.

He likes the idea a lot more than he thought he would. Well, not exactly that idea, because he doesn't know anything about this pretty boy except that he's pretty and a model and there's no way Nick would let him do that. But the idea of someone doing it, that's hotter than he expected it might be.

When it's the pretty young model's turn to be on his knees, Nick thinks about him, or someone Nick would trust with it, putting their hands on his hips, holding him hard against the wall, harder than anyone ever has, pinning his hands, maybe, and making him take only what they give him. The thought dissipates quickly under the reality of the pretty boy at Nick's feet with his mouth moving wet and sure on Nick's cock, and Nick has a perfectly good orgasm that way.

He has a lot of perfectly good orgasms, with pretty boys in clubs or pretty boys who take him home. And then there are the ones he has alone in his bed at home, where he thinks about someone, a vague, male shape, someone he likes the feel of, someone he trusts, holding him down and making him take it, fucking his mouth or holding his hips down and sucking him off slowly or pinning him down and fucking him so he can't do anything but just feel it. Maybe tying him up so Nick couldn't move but the other guy still had both hands free. It's embarrassingly like discovering how much he wanted to have sex with men when he was a teenager.

He's never been shy about telling his friends about his life, so when he has the closest of them over for a Sunday roast, just Aimee and Henry and Gellz, he announces, "I think I'm having a sexuality crisis."

None of them seems to be taking him all that seriously from the looks they give him.

"Have you gone and fallen in love with a woman?" Henry asks, clearly just humoring him.

"Ooh, is it Taylor Swift?" Gellz asks. "She'd write a great breakup song about you."

Nick can't help laughing. "No, I haven't fallen in love with a woman, and this has nothing to do with Taylor Swift." Then he thinks about Harry saying he's slept with enough people to know what they like in bed and has to suppress a hysterical laugh at the thought that it might, in fact, have something to do with Taylor Swift.

"What is it, then?" Aimee asks. "Are you tired of young, stupid models? Decided you're only going after bears now?"

"Very funny," Nick says, but he can't quite keep the laughter out of his voice.

Gellz makes an impatient gesture in his direction. "Out with it."

"I can't stop thinking about kinky sex."

No one seems to take this pronouncement as seriously as Nick thinks they should.

"And?" Aimee prompts.

Nick blinks. "And what? That's it. That's my crisis."

"How on earth is that a crisis?" Gellz asks.

Nick waves his wine glass around. "Because I can't stop thinking about kinky sex! I've never done that. It's rearranging my whole sexual identity."

"Babe," Aimee says, "we've all had sexual experiences that make us realize we like something we hadn't considered before, or didn't like with someone else."

"I haven't," Nick says. "I mean, I haven't had kinky sex with anyone. I just keep thinking about it."

All three of them stare at him.

"Exactly what kind of kinky sex are we talking about here?" Henry asks.

"You know," Nick says, waving a hand around, "like being held down or tied up or whatever."

They all look even more unimpressed with him, and they exchange a look that doesn't include him.

"Are you saying," Gellz asks, "that for all the men you've hooked up with, you've never done any kind of bondage?"

"No! Of course not." Nick eyes the other three. "Have you ever done anything like that?"

All at the same time, Aimee says, "Of course," Henry says, "Yes," and Gellz says, "I like being the one holding him down."

"It's one of those things you try out," Aimee says. "How has this never come up for you before?"

"Why would it have?" Nick gulps at his wine. "It's not like my sex life has been bad."

"Now that I think about it," Henry says, "the only things I've ever walked in on you doing have been pretty vanilla."

"And it's not the sort of thing you do with models you've picked up for the night," Gellz says.

"I've only ever done it in a relationship," Aimee says. "You've had boyfriends who lasted for a while. How did it never come up?"

"Well, I've never thought about it before," Nick says, "and no one ever asked me."

Aimee narrows her eyes at him. "Is someone asking you now? Have you been dating someone and not telling us about it?"

"No! There's no one. No one I'm dating and no one asking."

The three of them exchange another look.

"What brought this on, then?" Gellz asks.

Nick makes a face, and finishes up his wine to avoid speaking.

Henry laughs. "What have you gotten yourself into now?"

Nick makes another face at him. "Ugh, nothing like that. It was just something Harry and I were talking about."

Aimee collapses into laughter. "Only you, babe, would have a conversation with Harry Styles that resulted in you obsessing over kinky sex."

Then Henry and Gellz are laughing at him too, and Nick tries to be stern, but it is funny and he ends up laughing too. "I know, my life is mad, isn't it?"

Henry raises his glass. "I'll drink to that."

Then they're all drinking, and Nick has a story about the madness of radio to entertain them with, and they don't talk about kinky sex again.

*

"You know," Nick says into his phone to Harry, who's in LA or New York for something that Nick listened to the whole story about but he doesn't really care about, "you don't tell me about the ones you hold down and make take it or whatever." It's mostly dark, because he's been too lazy to get up and turn on a light when the sun went down while they were talking, and that makes it feel easier to say. Not that he wouldn't anyway, because he's heard about just as many of Harry's hookups as he's told Harry about, but still. Easier to say in the dark.

Harry makes a little hmming sound. "Guess not," he says slowly. "It's the kind of thing I usually do with people I'm in a relationship with. It doesn't really feel right to talk about them like that. Different kind of trust, you know."

"Trust is the thing, isn't it?" Nick slides down to lie flat out on the sofa. "I keep thinking about it now that you put the idea in my head."

"Are you saying you don't know everything you like in bed?" Nick can hear the smirk he's sure is on Harry's face.

"I am admitting," Nick says, "that perhaps my sexual experience has not been as varied as I've thought. God, even Aimee's done something like that."

Harry snickers, and Nick lets it pull a smile onto his face too.

"Dunno what to do about it," Nick says after letting Harry laugh at him for a minute. "Not really the thing you do with a hookup, is it? Would have to be someone I knew, and then how do you even bring that up, and when? Is that a third date conversation? Or like a three months into a relationship conversation? And then is it like you've been hiding it all this time?"

"In my experience," Harry says, "you just talk about it when it feels like it's the right time. Like, you ask for it, or they ask for it, or you mention you might want to try something out."

"Just put it out there and talk about it," Nick says. "Are you sure you're still British?"

Harry laughs. "I'm very American now. Nah, it's just not that hard, not if it's something you want."

The very thought of talking about that with someone is making Nick's stomach twist in knots. "Says you."

Harry's quiet for a moment. "You have to trust them," he says. "That's the hard part."

"Yeah," Nick says with a bitter laugh. "That's the hard part." He drums his fingers against his stomach. "You going to tell me about it? What you ask for or get asked for or however it works out for you?"

There's a considering silence.

"There was this girl I was dating," Harry says. "The sex was really good, you know? And we were having fun, and one time we were in a hotel and we were already getting into it, and I just asked her. I said, 'Can I hold you down?' She kind of looked at me, and then she looked me up and down, like checking me out or whatever. And I said, 'I won't hurt you,' and then she said, 'That's too bad,' and she told me I couldn't leave bruises on her wrists, but she wanted me to leave a hickey on her while I held her down."

Nick can picture it, Harry holding some girl down while he fucks her. He tries not to think about the possibility of that girl being Taylor Swift, tries to think of just a generic woman.

"Easier to do that with women," Harry adds like an afterthought. "Most of them always wear makeup anyway, so they can cover it up."

"Makes sense," Nick says, talking before his mind catches up with the conversation. "You've never done summat like that with a man."

"Well, not leaving hickeys on his neck."

Nick sits up. This doesn't seem like a conversation he should have lying down. "No," he says. "You said you only do this in relationships. You've never dated a man."

"I have," Harry says, sounding as confused as Nick feels. "You know I have. I told you about him."

"You most certainly did not."

"I did," Harry insists. "Ian. Not your Ian."

Nick does remember hearing about Ian, and how Harry had clarified that it was "not your Ian" every time he mentioned him even when it was clear that it couldn't possibly be Nick's Ian. "You didn't say you were dating him."

"I told you we went out!"

"Well I thought you just meant you were going out, you know. Not that you were _going out_." Nick runs a hand through his hair.

Harry laughs a little. "I can't believe you didn't know."

"I can't believe you didn't just tell me!"

Harry laughs at him some more.

"Yeah, very funny," Nick grouches. He can't quite keep the smile off his face, and Harry probably knows it even over the phone. "So you, what, held him down and didn't leave hickeys on him?"

"Mmm, he liked to be tied up, mostly," Harry says. There's something off about it.

Nick waits a minute to be sure Harry's not going to add to that before he asks, "Did you not like that?"

"After a while," Harry says slowly, "he wanted to be tied up every time. I like it a lot. I like being in charge and making someone feel good. It's a lot of work, a lot of responsibility. Sometimes I just want a handjob and some telly."

Nick laughs, a muted snicker. "Broke up with him over it, did you?"

"Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship," Harry says primly.

Nick thinks he's meant to laugh, but he doesn't. "Yeah," he says. "Had that part go wrong before. Probably will again."

"Might be easier now you know what you like," Harry says thoughtfully.

Nick stretches out on the sofa again. "Dunno that I do, really, not 'til I have a chance to try it out. Might try it and hate it."

"You won't," Harry says. "Just have to find someone you trust first."

"Oh, only that." Nick's lips tug up into a smile. "No sweat then."

Harry laughs, warm and gentle. "It'll happen."

*

Harry's back, and on Nick's sofa with Pig on his lap and Nick's toes tucked under his thigh because it is Nick's sofa and he absolutely has the right to be the one sprawled across it after tea while they watch a recorded Nigella ep Nick's seen at least twice before and pet the dogs.

One of Harry's hands slips down to wrap around Nick's ankle. It feels nice, warmth and human touch. "Hmm?" Nick asks after a moment when it occurs to him that Harry might mean to get his attention with it.

"You could trust me," Harry says.

Nick wiggles his toes to poke at Harry's thigh. "I do trust you, popstar."

Harry shakes his ankle a bit. "You could trust me to hold you down and make you take it."

It's nothing that Nick was expecting, and it takes a moment for the words to make sense. Then there's a swooping feeling in his stomach. Nick one hundred percent trusts Harry, and Harry is certainly big and strong enough to hold him down. Nick has generally tried not to think about Harry that way, friend he thought for the longest time was mostly straight and all that, but he's thinking about it now. Thinking about being under Harry, unable to move, Harry doing something to him that feels good but not letting him do anything in return. The swooping feeling in his stomach turns into a tingle. It feels a little like fear, but a controlled kind of fear.

Harry's hand around his ankle feels different now.

"God," Nick says, "there you go with all that just say it stuff."

"Gotta show you how it's done." Harry's thumb sweeps over the bone of Nick's ankle. "Could show how the rest of it's done."

It's deeply tempting. Nick pokes Harry's thigh with the toes on the foot Harry isn't holding. "What if I don't like it?"

Harry smiles at him, one of the soft and warm ones. "I think you will. I think you'll like it a lot. If you don't, tell me to stop and we'll stop."

Well, that's certainly where the trusting part comes in. Nick trusts it when Harry says it. That tingle in his stomach is starting to spread out into something that makes him want to throw himself into whatever Harry is suggesting so he can feel more of it. "What, um." It takes two tries to ask the question. He's not used to this just talking about it thing. "What would you do?"

Harry just looks at him for a long time. Maybe not that long. Maybe it just feels long.

"You like getting fucked, yeah?" Harry says, like it's a perfectly normal conversation for them to be having at half eight on a Friday night. "I could do that. Hold you down while I do it. Make you take it." Harry eyes him like he's taking Nick's measure. "Slow and hard, I think."

Nick's mouth goes dry and his cock goes hard. It takes a moment for his voice to work. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry says, self-satisfied curl to his lips. "Want to?"

Nick very much wants to. Well, the parts of Nick that aren't still a bit frightened by the whole idea very much want to. "Right now?"

Harry shrugs. "Why not? You got other plans?"

That makes Nick laugh, and then he twists his ankle in Harry's grasp. "All right, popstar. Show me what you've got."

Harry grins at him. "You going to freak out if I take the dogs out while you get naked in your bedroom?"

Nick considers it; it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility. "No," he decides.

"Alright," Harry says. "See you in a minute."

Nick takes a shower while Harry's taking the dogs out; it means he isn't just naked in his bedroom worrying about it, and it seems polite to clean himself up if they're doing this in a planned, civilized manner and not just the falling into bed thing he usually does with people. It was a good call; the look on Harry's face when he looks at Nick is appreciative.

"Get on the bed," Harry says. "Hands and knees." He smirks a bit. "I'm sure you're familiar with that."

Nick snickers. It feels good to laugh, diffusing most of the rest of the awkwardness of the moment. "Not going to make me come up with a whatsit? A safeword?" He gets onto the bed, fingers just edging under his pillows. Enough space behind him on the bed that way for Harry to fit too.

"If you wanted to say no and not have me listen to you, then yeah, I would. Don't think you want that."

Nick shudders. He always wants to be listened to and believed.

Harry runs a hand down his back, warm and firm down his spine. "Didn't think so. If you tell me to stop or slow down, I will." His hand gets heavier, presses down on Nick's back. "Stay there."

"Where am I going to go?"

Harry chuckles, which is what Nick wanted, and then Nick realizes that staying put is going to require more effort than he thought. Harry's behind him, probably directly in line with the foot of the bed, and Nick can't see him just by turning his head. He has no idea what Harry's doing. Well, he does, because he can hear the sound of cloth shifting and Harry's zipper being pulled down, but he can't see it. It all feels a bit more real.

It's a relief when Harry's hand settles on his back again, fingers spreading out over his skin. He has more of an idea where Harry is like that.

"You're not going to move," Harry says. He reaches over Nick and covers both his hands with his, pressing Nick's hands into the bed for a moment. "Stay just like that."

That single moment of being held down has fully convinced Nick that this is something he very much wants to be doing. He has no idea what makes it so good, but it is.

He got out lube and condoms when Harry was taking the dogs out, and Harry reaches for the lube now. No rings on his fingers, and maybe Nick should have noticed that when Harry's hands were on him, but he didn't. He can see it now, for that moment when Harry's picking up the lube, before Harry's hands are out of his eyeline again.

Then there's an arm heavy across his lower back, one hand curving around Nick's waist on the other side. He's just getting used to what it feels like to be held like that when Harry runs one slick finger down the crack of his arse.

Nick sucks in a breath.

Harry's finger goes away for a second, and comes back to just circle Nick's hole. It's a tease, he thinks, and Nick tries to push into it. If he's going to get fucked, he wants to get fucked. Harry's arm holds him in place.

"Uh-uh," Harry says. "You get what I want to give you."

That makes Nick's cock as hard as anything, taking it the last little bit from interested to really fucking into it. "Christ," he mutters.

"Don't worry," Harry says, "I'm going to make it good for you."

It could be a joke, except he doesn't say it like one. He says it like a fact. And from how good it already is, Nick has no doubt that it's true.

Harry circles his hole a few more times, and then he stops touching Nick's arse altogether, which is definitely a step in the wrong direction, except then he touches Nick again and this time there's more lube and one of Harry's fingers pushing slowly and steadily into him.

Nick's breath catches.

"Tell me if you don't like it," Harry reminds him as he fucks Nick with that one finger.

"I like it," Nick says, and he already sounds like he's been doing more than just waiting for Harry to finger him already.

"Good," Harry says. "I want you to. I want you to like it a lot." He pushes in a second finger, and then he's stretching Nick open with them.

It's a good stretch to begin with, and it feels different with Harry's arm still holding him still. God, Harry was right. Nick really likes this.

There's a third finger, stretching Nick wider.

"Still good?" Harry asks, fucking Nick slowly. Slow and hard, he said.

"Uh-huh."

Harry laughs a little, softly. "Must be if you can't even talk." Harry thrusts his fingers hard into Nick, which takes away any ability Nick might have had to retort to that. Okay, maybe Harry knows what he's doing.

Except then he stops touching Nick, and it's like a shock, like gravity has stopped working.

"Shh," Harry says, even though Nick isn't sure if he actually said anything that Harry might be shushing him about. "Just a mo, love."

It's a long moment, where Nick feels untethered, before Harry's back. He nudges Nick's knees apart with his. He puts one hand on Nick's hip, and then the blunt head of his cock starts to push into Nick. It's bigger than his fingers were, and absolutely perfect. When he's all the way in, he leans over Nick, chest to Nick's back, and reaches over him. He puts his hands over Nick's. Not, like, lacing them together in a romantic way, which Nick's done with guys he's fucked, but spreading out over them, pressing them down into the mattress.

Nick's heart feels like it's going to beat out of his chest, and the groan comes out of his mouth before he realizes he was going to make a sound.

"Yeah," Harry says. "There you go." He starts to fuck Nick, and like he promised it's slow and hard, and he keeps his hands over Nick's.

"Oh my God," Nick says. It's amazing. Harry's body and Harry's hands are keeping him in place, and Harry's making him take it just like he promised he would. "God," Nick moans.

Harry nuzzles at his neck. "I knew you would like it."

And Nick does. Nick has never had sex this good. Nick is maybe not nearly as knowledgeable about his own sexuality as he would have liked to think. He wants to do this forever.

Then Harry drags Nick's hands closer to each other, and up toward the head of the bed. It makes Nick's chest dip, and then he's a little off-balance, not as steady, and he really does have to just take it. Harry shifts his grip, pushes Nick's hands together so Harry's got one of his hands over both of Nick's wrists.

Nick's too busy trying to breathe with how fucking hot it is to have Harry holding his wrists down with just one hand to notice what Harry's doing with the other hand until it wraps around his cock.

Nick whimpers. He absolutely whimpers, and then Harry's hand is dragging just a little too rough up and down his cock while Harry fucks him slow and hard, and he's just taking it and taking it and taking it until he can't anymore and he comes.

Harry fucks him slow and hard until he's done, and then he shifts his hand from Nick's cock to his hip, which is probably a good idea, because Nick would definitely be collapsing onto the bed if Harry weren't holding him up.

Harry holds him in place by his wrists and his hip and fucks him fast and hard now, for what probably isn't very long but feels like forever with the way Nick feels. Harry comes with a groan that is, like every sound that comes out of his mouth, gorgeously perfect.

He pulls out of Nick, and then lowers him carefully down onto the bed. He lets go of Nick's wrists. Nick feels like he did when Harry stopped touching him the first time, only more so. He makes a noise.

"Shh." Harry's hand strokes down his back. "I'll be right back, I promise." He gets up, and Nick can hear the water running, and then he's back with a wet flannel he uses to clean Nick up. His hands, those same strong hands that held Nick down, are so gentle now. When he's done, he rests his hand on Nick's shoulder. "I know you're not big on cuddling."

Nick says, "I'll make an exception for you," because it's easier than saying, _I need you to hold me right now_. He'll work on that just saying it thing later.

Harry chuckles like he knows what Nick means and spoons around him. "Knew you'd like that."

"I'm ruined for all other sex," Nick says, and it's only a little bit of a joke.

*

"Things aren't going to be awkward, are they?" Nick asks when they're both awake in the morning. Mostly awake. The kettle hasn't even boiled yet.

"Do you want them to be awkward?" Harry asks. He grins at Nick and slides a hand across his shoulders. "Nah, we're good. You want to go for brunch?"

"Only if you're buying," Nick says, which is exactly what he would say to Harry on any other day that wasn't the morning after Harry held him down and made him take it.

They go for brunch, and that is also just as it would be on any other day. Nick gets a coffee with his breakfast, and he's properly awake by the time they leave the restaurant.

They go shopping, wandering into and out of antiques stores and clothing boutiques, stopping occasionally so Harry can sign autographs or pose for pictures.

Harry comes home with Nick and makes them both a cup of tea while Nick lets the dogs out. Nick flips through the channels, stopping here and there for a few minutes. Pig cuddles up with him, while Stinky plops down on Harry's lap.

"Are you going to do that all afternoon?" Harry asks when Nick changes channels again.

"Might do," Nick says with a bit of a grin. "Why? You got something better to do?"

Harry stretches in a way that draws the eye; Nick certainly can't look away from him. "Might do." He runs a hand down his chest. "Could hold you down and make you take it again." His hand comes to a stop just above the waistband of his jeans. "If you want."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Harry lifts his hand away. "If you want."

"Yes, I want, you menace."

Harry grins at him and gently lifts Stinky off his lap. He stretches when he stands up, and Nick knows for sure he's showing off by the way there's a smirk tugging at his lips.

Nick doesn't bother to suppress his laugh, and follows Harry into the bedroom.

"Is this some kind of Pretty Woman thing?" Nick asks as he strips off his shirt. "Or are you going to kiss me this time?"

"Hmm, I didn't yesterday, did I?" Harry already has his shirt off, so it's his bare chest against Nick's when he puts his arms around Nick. "Let's fix that." His lips are soft and warm, and he takes control of the kiss so easily and so thoroughly that Nick doesn't even think about trying to do anything but let Harry have what he wants.

Harry keeps kissing him, his mouth warm and commanding, his arms tight around Nick until they aren't.

"Keep 'em there," Harry says when Nick starts to move his arms, so Nick keeps them around Harry while Harry reaches between them to get Nick's jeans and pants off.

Nick steps out of them when Harry guides him toward the bed with firm hands on his hips. Nick's hands grasp for him when Harry steps away.

Harry grins at him and sweeps the duvet out of the way, then pushes Nick down onto the bed. "Don't move."

Nick resists the urge to move just be a shit.

Harry strips off his jeans and pants. He's gorgeous, even with some of the more questionable tattoos. He's big and strong, too, which is even more obvious when he lays over Nick, his whole body pressing Nick into the bed.

When Nick starts to put his arms around him, Harry says, "No. You're just taking it." He grabs for Nick's wrists and brings Nick's arms up over his head. He presses Nick's wrists against the bed, each one held tightly in one of Harry's hands while Harry kisses him.

It's good, feels dangerous in an entirely safe way that has Nick's fingers curling around nothing. He can feel it in his stomach, tension and want all at once, and he tries to rub his cock up against Harry because the sex part is the part he knows how to do.

Harry hums into his mouth, pulls away from him with a slick sound that has Nick leaning his head up not to lose it. "I think you're forgetting that you only get what I give you."

Nick shudders from his head down to his toes. It's almost threatening, but he trusts Harry, and nothing about this is scary in a bad way. He whimpers in protest, though, when Harry moves off of him. Mostly off of him. Off his hips. It's a weird angle for Harry, curved half around Nick so Harry's legs are pinning his thighs down, Harry's hands are still holding his wrists down, and Harry's leaning over him to kiss him.

Nick's cock is left bare and untouched. "Harry," he chokes out.

Harry licks into his mouth, kisses him slick and soft. "I've got you." He moves his hands and Nick's arms, so he has both of Nick's wrists held in one broad hand. Nick could probably get out of it if he wanted to. Maybe. But then probably Harry would just bring his other hand up to stop him and since that hand is wrapping around his cock, he really, really doesn't want to do anything that would make Harry stop.

Harry strokes his cock while he kisses him, and it's a little too dry, a little rough, but good too, like the rest of it, Harry making him take what he wants. They don't stop kissing, and it's like all the things Nick didn't get to properly do when he was a chubby, awkward teenager, the long slow snogging and learning what it feels like to get off with another person. There's that same sense of discovery, of wonder at how good his body can feel when Harry presses down on his wrists and reminds Nick that he can't move.

He's getting closer, is going to come if Harry just keeps stroking him like that, and kissing him and holding him down, and sometime when he's not completely out of his mind in the middle of sex, he's going to think about how much sex Harry has had that he's so good at it.

Then Harry takes his hand away, and Nick protests into Harry's mouth and can't move his hips up to try to get Harry to touch him again because Harry is holding him down. He tries anyway, and then slumps down under Harry's hold.

Harry's body twists away from him, still holding him down, still kissing him, but his body twisting, and coming back, and there's the plastic snap of a cap. Harry stops kissing him for a moment, looking down Nick's body instead, so Nick looks too and watches as Harry squeezes lube directly onto his cock. It's a little cool, and it's a tease with the way he can feel it but it's not enough, too slick and soft.

Harry kisses him again, so Nick can feel the lube but not see it, and then it's Harry's hand on him. It's slick this time, a slow and easy glide that sends the same kind of ratcheting arousal through Nick as Harry's mouth on his and Harry holding him down. It's a lot to process, and Nick stops trying in favor of giving himself over to it.

Nick can feel his orgasm building, his body taking exactly what Harry's giving him and turning it into unrelenting pleasure. He gets closer and closer and closer, so close and not quite there with the slow, easy way Harry is wanking him. He's close, so close, and then he's over the edge, maybe Harry tightening one or both of his hands or maybe just the accumulation of it all. It's a lot, almost too much, and Nick can't think, can't do anything but lie there feeling emptied out and floaty while Harry nips at his lips with little kisses that just let Nick breathe around them.

Harry lets go of his cock before it gets to be too much, and rests his hand on Nick's stomach, holding him down with that too. "Y'alright?"

Nick laughs a little bit hysterically because he doesn't know the answer to that question.

Harry frowns, and then kisses him, soft this time, less commanding and more comforting. It's more calming than Nick might have expected. Probably he needs to stop expecting things when it comes to Harry and sex.

Nick takes in a breath, and it doesn't shake when he exhales. "You didn't come."

"Mmm, not yet." Harry looks him up and down. "Could fuck your mouth, if you're up for it."

"Yeah," Nick says, or tries to and has to clear his throat and say it again.

A smile curls across Harry's face, and he kisses Nick one more time before he moves. Nick is a little bit prepared, this time, for the way he feels weightless and unanchored when Harry stops holding him down, but it's still unnerving, and it's better when Harry crawls up his body and carefully kneels over him. He puts a pillow under Nick's head and pulls Nick's hands down from where he hadn't moved them.

Harry's hands are warm when they settle Nick's hands onto Harry's thighs. "Push me away if you need to stop," Harry says. "Or pinch me or whatever. Otherwise, keep them there."

Nick nods, and then wets his lips and opens his mouth for Harry's cock. It stretches his mouth wide. He's careful about his teeth, and then he just takes it while Harry fucks his mouth. It's good. It feels good, the stretch and Harry making him taking it. It's good, and it's so close to what Nick thought about when Harry first told him about this kind of thing, and there's that thing about just saying it. Nick pushes against Harry's thighs.

Harry draws back immediately. "Too much?"

"No," Nick says. He braces himself for just saying it. "I want to be on my knees."

"Yeah?" Harry seems to roll the word around in his mouth. "We can do that." He gets off of Nick, and it's not such a shock this time. "Come on."

Nick gets out of bed with him; his knees are a little shaky, but not too bad and he doesn't have to stand for long.

"Here?" Harry asks, standing next to the bed.

That would be good, but it's not what Nick was thinking about. "Could we, uh, up against the wall?"

The corners of Harry's eyes crinkle up with his smile when he finally gets it. "Want it to be like one of your club hookups? Yeah, come on."

He stands against the wall, and Nick follows him over and gets to his knees. He puts his hands on Harry's thighs again, then looks up and opens his mouth.

It's better this time, just what he thought about. Harry puts his hands in Nick's hair and holds him in place while he fucks his mouth. The floor is too hard under Nick's knees, and he has no control over what Harry's doing, and he can't see anything but Harry and just the tiniest bit of the wall behind him, and when he closes his eyes, he can feel it like it's a club bathroom hookup only better.

"I'm gonna," Harry says, and he sounds as breathless as Nick feels. "Push me away if you want."

Nick keeps his hands light against Harry's thigh, doesn't push or change his touch in any way, and he swallows when Harry comes in his mouth. He stays, right where Harry put him, until Harry gently pulls his mouth away. He doesn't push Nick any farther, and Nick stays close, breathing in the sex and sweat smell of him.

Harry's fingers rub through Nick's hair, down to the back of his neck. "God, that was good." He takes Nick's hands in his and tugs, up, and Nick goes with it a little reluctantly. His knees hurt on the ground, but they shake when he stands.

Harry kisses him, arms around him, holding him up. "Good?"

"Yeah." Nick's voice is shot from sucking Harry off, his jaw sore. He feels taken apart and not quite put back together yet. Just saying it, he thinks. "Please don't stop touching me." His voice wavers, like he might cry. Might already be crying.

"No, love, shh," Harry soothes. His hands run up and down Nick's back. "I won't. Come on, back to bed." He doesn't stop touching Nick while he gets them into bed, and then he curls around him like Nick's smaller than he is.

It helps, after a while, to make Nick feel like he's back together. "Fuck," he says. He pokes at Harry's arm. "I can't believe you made me cry."

"It was good, though, right?" Harry makes it sound like he already knows the answer.

"Yeah," Nick says.

Harry rubs his shoulder and kisses the back of his head. "It won't always be like that. You trust me a lot, and you don't know what to expect from yourself yet. Makes it pretty intense."

Nick shifts away from Harry just enough to stretch his body. "I can't believe the best sex I've ever had is with you." He rolls over to look at Harry and puts a hand over his face. "God, you're so smug."

Harry laughs and bites playfully at his hand. "And hungry. You want to eat in here? Could order something."

Nick rolls onto his back. "Yeah." He pokes at Harry's shoulder. "Long as I don't have to get up."

Harry rubs a hand down Nick's chest. "No. I'll take care of you."

*

On Sunday, after they have breakfast and before Harry leaves, Harry says, "You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah," Nick says. It's a realignment of his sexual preferences, but he's been through figuring out what he likes before, and this one seems a little easier.

Harry frowns at him a bit. "Something that intense, you can feel it later. Call me if you're not alright, any time."

Nick refrains from rolling his eyes. "I'm fine, Harold."

"But if you're not, call me." Harry puts his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Taking care of you after is part of it." It feels like it did when Harry held him after, yesterday.

Nick nods. "Okay, I will, but I'll be fine. Get out of here."

Harry grins and hugs him tightly before he leaves.

Nick is fine. He has to carefully edit anything he says on the radio about his weekend, but he feels good. It was fun, and as the week goes on, the intensity of Harry making him cry fades a little, and he's mostly left with the memory of everything else Harry made him feel as the best wank material he's ever had.

He has a DJ gig on Friday night, and he goes out after, lets himself get picked up by a nice boy in a club. Saturday he sleeps late and goes for lunch with friends. Saturday afternoon, he scrolls through his phone trying to decide if he wants to stay in or find someone to go out with.

He hovers over his conversation with Harry, and then pulls it up. _Plans for tonight?_ he asks.

He doesn't have to wait for long before Harry sends back, _Not yet._

Nick calls.

"Hey," Harry says. "Y'alright?"

"Hiya," Nick says. "Yeah, I'm good. You?"

"I'm doing really well."

Nick can't help but smile at that. "I was thinking," he says, because he's really trying to do this just saying it thing, "that I should get a chance to figure out what I like while I have the chance, right?" He doesn't wait for Harry to answer that. "Since you don't already have plans, fancy coming over and tying me up?"

Harry makes an interested noise. "Yeah," he says slowly. "Yeah, I could do that. How do you feel about rope?"

Nick thinks about it for a moment, then asks, "Will it hurt?" because, yeah, he wants Harry to hold him down and make him take it, but he doesn't think he wants Harry to hurt him.

"No," Harry answers promptly. "I have some that's really soft. If you pull on it, you might get some marks, but you won't get, like, rope burn from it. It's not even scratchy."

Okay, Nick thinks. Not scratchy. He can deal with that, and he does want to see what it's like when he's tied down. "We can do that, yeah."

Harry promises to be over in a bit with his rope. Nick uses the time to take out the dogs, change into attractive but easily removable clothes, and fix his hair. It's only what he would do for any other booty call.

Harry, of course, smirks at him when Nick lets him in, because he is not as sweet as people think he is. "Looking good, Grimmy."

Nick tilts his chin up. "It's only polite to look your best when you're expecting company."

Harry snickers, and Nick breaks and laughs too.

Harry leans in and kisses him. It's not a commanding or demanding kiss. It's friendly, and Nick smiles into it.

"Come on." Harry hefts the duffel he brought with him. "Let's get you tied up."

It's not as easy as that; Harry spends a little time looking at Nick's bed, and then he starts unpacking his duffel. He pulls out what looks like enough rope to tie up an entire football team, and then a pair of angled scissors with weird tips that he puts on the nightstand. Nick gives them a dubious look.

"I can get you out of it quickly if you need me to." Harry looks Nick straight in the eye, serious as anything. "Don't ever do this with someone whose first priority isn't your safety."

Nick turns serious to match. "I won't."

Harry comes over to stroke Nick's cheek, and then it's all the good kind of fear while Nick watches Harry tie lengths of rope to his bed frame. "You can also tie rope or straps around the mattress," Harry explains, as if Nick cares that much about how he does it, "but I think this'll be best for what I want."

Once there are four ropes tied to each leg of the bed, Harry leaves the rest of the rope on the bed and comes over to Nick. "Still good?"

Nick looks at the rope and checks in with himself. Still the exciting swoop of fear and trust in his stomach. "Yeah. Tie me up, popstar."

Harry grins at him, and then kisses him. It's less friendly and more intent than earlier, but not quite what they were doing last weekend. He takes Nick's clothes off, so that change into something easily removed was a good choice. He stops Nick from taking off his clothes in return.

"On the bed." Harry follows him, and pushes Nick into the middle of the bed, just where he wants him. He takes one of Nick's wrists first, and wraps rope around and around it until it makes a wide cuff, which he ties to one of the ropes attached to the bed. "Good?"

Nick tugs on it. He can't move his arm very far. The rope doesn't hurt, even when he twists his wrist in it. It's not immediately a turn-on, like being held down was, but he's okay in it, and thinking about what Harry might do once he finishes tying Nick up is getting him there. Harry does the other wrist, both ankles.

Harry runs his hand up Nick's leg, ankle to knee. "How's it feel?"

Nick tugs, just enough to be sure it doesn't hurt, just enough to know he's caught and unable to move. That's good, not being able to move with Harry's hand on his knee. "Yeah," he says, "good."

"Good." Harry squeezes Nick's knee, and then he bends over and takes Nick's cock into his mouth.

Nick yelps and jerks against the ropes that don't let him go anywhere.

Harry's hands push his hips down, and he can't move at all while Harry sucks his cock.

Nick closes his eyes. Harry's gorgeous, and his mouth looks good like this, but he wants to be able to focus on exactly what it feels like to be tied down and sucked off. It feels dangerous, but not scary; intense, but not so overwhelming that he can't take it.

Harry's good at it, can go deep and suck strongly and use his tongue and all the things that make for a good blowjob. And Nick's tied down and held down, and that, he's discovering about himself, makes it so much better for him.

Nick opens his eyes when Harry stops. Unfairly, because Nick was pretty close to coming, but now there's nothing touching his cock, and he can't do it because when he reflexively reaches for himself, he's pulled short by the rope tying him to the bed.

When he says, "Harry," it sounds even to his ears more like begging than he meant it to.

Harry touches him, but not his cock. His hip, a hand stroking down his thigh. "You get what I give right now."

"Well give me more then." Nick turns it into a bit of a whine since he can't touch Harry to emphasize his point.

Harry's eyes crinkle up with a clearly evil smile. "Nope." He runs his hand all the way down to Nick's knee and leaves it there, a single point of contact.

Nick's cock hasn't gotten any less hard. "Christ, Harry."

"Good, isn't it?" Harry doesn't wait for an answer before he squeezes Nick's knee and then bends over to take him into his mouth again.

Nick jerks up as much as he can, which isn't much.

Harry pushes him back down and sucks hard and fast this time, not as much of the fancy tricks, just good old-fashioned suction. It's pretty fucking fantastic. Right up until he stops before Nick can come.

By now Nick is shaking, trembling with how badly he wants to come, how good it is to have Harry suck him while he's tied up and can't do anything but accept it. "Harry," he protests.

Harry kisses the inside of his thigh, his stomach, his hip. He stops there and looks up at Nick, smirking a little.

It's so hot that for all that it feels like an age, Nick has barely calmed down by the time Harry takes him in his mouth again.

Harry does it two more times, sucking him until Nick thinks he's going to come and then stopping before he can. It's a lot. It would be a lot even if he weren't twisting his wrists and ankles inside the soft rope around them.

"Please." Nick doesn't even try not to sound like he's begging, because he is, he really is. "God, Harry, just let me come already, please."

Harry waits what feels like longer this time, hands sometimes touching Nick, a firm stroke down his thigh, or pushing down on the center of his chest. "Just what I give you," he reminds Nick, and there's something both promising and self-satisfied in the look on his face.

He goes down on Nick again, one hand pressing Nick's hips into the bed and the other sliding down the inside of his thigh to cup his balls. It's one of the times he uses his tongue, more than just sucking, and it's good, so good.

It's too much, and he's going to cry when Harry stops again, can already feel himself tearing up in anticipation of it.

Harry doesn't stop. He keeps sucking, and it's good, overwhelming, and Nick teeters on the edge of his orgasm for an endless moment, wanting to come but it's almost too much, and then he crashes over the edge of it and comes down Harry's throat with a sob. Harry swallows it all down, sucks Nick until he's crying from the overstimulation.

Nick can't do anything about it, Harry still sucking him or the tears sliding down his face or anything.

"Look at you," Harry breathes when he lets Nick's cock slip out of his mouth and sits up. He swipes his thumbs under Nick's eyes, smearing the tears there. "Do you need me to untie you, or can you wait until I come?"

And just like that, it isn't enough that Nick came, that Harry made him cry again, that he's tied down. He needs to see Harry come. "Come. Come on me."

Harry leans down and kisses him, sweeping the tongue that was just on Nick's cock through his mouth. "I'm going to come on your face," he says when he pulls back, and he leaves a pause where Nick could object, but he doesn't because that sounds like the perfect thing right now.

Harry doesn't get undressed. He gets his cock out, just that, and strokes himself.

Nick's hands flex, because he would do it for Harry if he could.

It's not very long of Harry kneeling over him, looking at him while he wanks himself off, before Harry comes across Nick's mouth and chin, and then his cheeks when Nick closes his eyes so Harry can go higher without getting it in his eyes.

Nick licks his lips, feels another last spurt of it splash across his cheek, and then Harry's kissing him, hand on his cheek smearing his come across it.

"Perfect, love," Harry says. "God, you look amazing."

Nick blinks his eyes open so he can see the open satisfaction on Harry's face as Harry looks at the tears and come on his face, his limp cock, his limbs stretched tight by the rope. It sends a last zing of satisfaction through him.

"You okay if I untie you," Harry asks, "or do I need to cut them?"

Nick's hands grasp at the air. "Just keep touching me." It's easier this time, since he said it last time too.

Harry immediately puts a hand on him. "Of course, love."

He unties Nick's ankles first, kneeling on the bed with his knees right up against Nick's calf. Then he stretches himself out next to Nick, touching him all the way down, while he does one wrist, and then on the other side while he does the other.

Nick winces when he brings his arms down; his shoulders are stiff. It's less important than the way Harry is pulling him close.

"I'm going to get come on your shirt," Nick protests.

Harry says, "Shh, love, it's fine," so Nick puts his face into Harry's chest and lets Harry keep him there until he's calmed down a lot.

"Alright?" Harry asks.

Nick nods. "That thing you did where you didn't let me come was good."

"Yeah?" Harry rubs up and down his back. "How'd you like the rope?"

Nick considers it. "Yeah. Think I'd like just hands better than just rope, but that was good."

Harry chuckles. "Of course you like the personal touch."

Nick nudges him with an elbow that doesn't have much force behind it. "I can't believe I've had some of the best sex of my life with you. Why couldn't I just fall in love with you?"

Harry strokes his hair. "I'm gone all the time. You'd hate it, and there'd be a lot of crying. Bad crying. From both of us."

Nick heaves a sigh. "You're probably right."

"I know I'm right." Harry kisses the top of his head. "You want a shower?"

He should, because he's still covered in come and tears and probably some sweat, but he shakes his head. "In a bit."

Harry hugs him closer. "Whenever you're ready."

*

"I'm flying out tomorrow," Harry says in the morning over tea and toast in Nick's kitchen.

"I know," Nick says. "I'm coming to the drinks thing tonight."

"Right," Harry says. "Well, call me if you need to anyway. Any time." He reaches out and rubs his fingers across Nick's wrist. "I'll figure out how take care of you if you need it."

Nick turns his hand over to grasp at Harry's. "I'll be fine. I feel great. But thanks, love."

He does feel great, and he continues to feel great even when Harry's gone, if a bit sad about the lack of the kind of kinky sex he apparently likes.

"How's your sexuality crisis?" Gellz asks him over dinner at Henry's. She's laughing at him, Nick knows she is, even if it isn't out loud.

Nick doesn't really think before he says, "Resolved."

Aimee raises her eyebrows at him. "Resolved in what direction?"

Nick barely resists snickering. Direction, indeed. "I'll never be able to bring it up with someone who might give it to me, but I quite like a spot of kinky sex." It's terrible; he can already feel himself turning red.

There's a round of general laughter around the table. Aimee actually applauds.

"And how, exactly, did you figure that out?" Henry asks, and from the smirk on his face, he's already worked it out.

"I had some," Nick says primly. He's still blushing.

Aimee leans her chin on her hand. "Did you?"

"Yes, I did." Nick takes a large gulp from his wine glass. "And it was _fantastic_. Best sex of my life."

Gellz raises her eyebrows. "Going to marry the man who gave you that, then?"

Nick covers his face with his hand, half grimacing and half laughing. "No."

"Oh, well, that's a story," Henry says.

"I slept with a popstar and all I got was a taste for kinky sex?" Aimee guesses.

Nick groans out a laugh. "Oh my God, that's terrible." He pauses, then concedes, "But true."

"The best sex of your life," Henry prompts.

"Yes," Nick says firmly. He sips his wine, hoping that someone will change the topic; it doesn't work, and they all watch him expectantly. Nick opens his mouth, and then closes it again. He laughs, mostly at himself, because he's never been in the position of not wanting to talk about the great sex he's had before. He shakes his head. "I've never said this before, but I don't think this is something I'm going to talk about."

"Really?" Gellz frowns at him.

Nick shrugs, hands out to his sides to emphasize it. "It doesn't feel right."

"God, you even sound like him now," Aimee says. She puts her arm around his shoulders and hugs him for a moment.

Nick leans into it. "Sorry."

Aimee smacks a kiss onto his temple. "It's all right. Gotta keep some things for yourself."

"It's not all right," Henry says with an exaggerated sigh and a sparkle in his eyes that means he's taking the piss. "How are we going to live vicariously through you if you won't give us the details?"

"Sorry, darling," Nick says. "You'll have to have your own kinky sex with the actual love of your life."

"Well that's alright then."

Nick can barely look at the smug look on Henry's face. "Oh, fuck off. Gellz, you'll grow old and alone with me, right?"

"Nope," she says cheerfully. "I'm going to find myself a nice boytoy to hold down."

"No one loves me," Nick says, but he's grinning while he does because he knows how much it's a lie.

*

Nick's sex life returns to a more or less normal pace. He lets himself get picked up in clubs, parties with a couple of pretty models, wanks to the memory of what Harry did to him. He does, however, agree to go on a few more dates. Dominic slides into his DMs. He's fun to hang out with, but the chemistry just isn't there. Barry is a friend of a friend of Henry's. They go out a couple of times and hook up, but they can both tell neither of them is really feeling it. He meets Tony in a bar. It lasts five weeks.

Nick likes Tony, and they'll probably be friends. They go clubbing and dance all night. They go shopping and negotiate a truce when they both like the same shirt. They have sex and get off in club bathrooms and Nick's bed. It's good, but one of the nights when Nick's blowing him, he looks up at Tony and tries to imagine him holding Nick down or making him take it, and he doesn't even feel scared, the good or bad thing, it's just completely unthinkable that Tony would ever be able to do that. That Nick will ever trust him enough to ask him. That Tony would care in the right way to do it right.

They break up three days later, and Nick's sorry about it, spends an evening drinking wine and eating ice cream, but it's okay. It was fun, and it's over, and it turns out that Harry's ruined Nick for life and now he's never going to be able to think about forever with anyone he can't see being able to do for him what Harry did. It's really too bad he'll never fall in love with Harry.

He doesn't have sex with Harry again, but they're still close, and he sees him when he's in London and talks to him when he isn't. He goes to Harry's for a party that's Harry's usual unlikely mix of people. There are a couple of other musicians, Nick's crowd, a couple of students that Harry met God knows where.

A guy slides into the conversation Nick's in with Harry and Daisy and someone Nick thinks is called Emilia. Nick flicks his eyes in the guy's direction, and has to work to keep himself from being too obvious about taking a second look. The guy is as tall as Nick, lanky, well-dressed. Nick's mouth waters just a bit.

"Mark." Harry greets him with a hug and introduces him around. "You should talk to Nick. You like the same things."

Mark laughs while giving Nick a not particularly subtle once-over. "Boys and nice clothes?"

"I also like wine and music," Nick says, because he does know how to flirt, "but let's start with the nice clothes."

Mark grins at him. Nick loves being the center of someone's attention. He stays there for most of the night, the two of them circling back around to each other over and over again. Nick loves it, and he gets a bit of a snog at the end of the night, when the party has thinned out a bit and there's a dark corner he and Mark can tuck themselves away in.

He's really hoping to pull, and is a bit disappointed when Mark slides his fingers over Nick's hip on their way off his body. "I'd like to see you again," Mark says while holding out his phone.

There's no way to be cool about it now, so Nick says, "Yes," puts his number in, and sends himself a text.

Mark smiles at him and kisses him, soft and a little bit sweet. "I'll text you."

Nick says, "Please do," and turns to watch Mark walk away.

*

Mark texts the next day, which causes Nick to both flutter with excitement and text no fewer than half a dozen friends to ask, "Who does that?"

He also texts Mark, and they spend the next week texting constantly. Nick already has dinner plans on Friday, but he meets up with Mark at a club after. Nick's already tipsy, which means he can't even pretend to be cool and grins all over the place.

Mark doesn't seem to mind; he takes Nick onto the dance floor where they grind on each other and snog until they're almost indecent about it. Would be at a more sedate venue.

"How slow are we taking this?" Nick grinds up against Mark when he asks, so Mark knows where he stands on the issue.

Mark kisses him, open mouthed and dirty while grinding back. "Not that slow. Mine?"

"Yeah." Nick grabs Mark's hand and only lets go to get into the cab. He resists the urge to snog Mark in the cab, barely.

Mark grins at him like he knows what Nick's thinking, and leans in close. "It's not far," he promises.

It isn't, and they tumble into Mark's flat together. It's nice, Nick thinks, from what he sees before Mark grabs him by the hips and snogs him while walking them through to the bedroom. It's promising, not that Nick wouldn't have been happy to go at it right inside the door. Not that he wouldn't have sucked Mark off in the loo at the club.

"God," Mark says, "get your kit off. Been thinking about what you look like naked."

"You could've said." Nick strips off his shirt. "Might've sent you pictures."

"Yeah?" Mark pets down Nick's chest, stroking the hair there. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

Nick struggles out of his jeans and pants, hard to manage his clothes when he's pissed and turned on and watching Mark. "Yeah." He reaches down and grips his cock in one hand. "Might send you a dick pick even."

Mark looks down. "Yeah," he says throatily. "I'd like that." He reaches down, past Nick's cock to stroke over his thighs. "You've got amazing legs. Thought so from how tight your jeans were." He squeezes a little, enough to make Nick's breath catch. "Gorgeous."

"My best feature," Nick says breezily. He lets go of his cock and nudges at the hem of Mark's shirt. "Been thinking about you too."

"Yeah?" Mark strips his shirt off over his head, revealing lean muscle and smooth skin.

Nick's mouth waters, more when Mark unbuttons his trousers. "Yeah." He watches avidly as Mark strips off his trousers, leaving him in a pair of black briefs bulging at the front.

"God, I want to suck you," Nick blurts out.

Mark tugs him in for a kiss that melts Nick's brain. "I'm not going to turn that down."

Nick grins at him and rubs his whole body against Mark's, grinding on him like he did at the club, before he slides down to his knees.

Up close, Nick has a better view of the bulge in Mark's pants. He puts his mouth on it, the fabric dry against his tongue but the feel of Mark's cock stretching his mouth worth it, at least for a moment. He gets it wet a bit, smelling Mark but not able to taste him, before the allure of getting it properly in his mouth gets to be too much to resist.

He looks up at Mark when he hooks his fingers into the waistband of Mark's pants.

"Christ, Nick." Mark's eyes are already blown wide. He pushes his hands into Nick's hair, gentle but with purpose. "Keep going."

Nick gives him a bit of a cheeky grin before he carefully pulls Mark's pants down. Mark's cock springs up when Nick draws his pants off of it. Nick makes himself get Mark's pants all the way off before he leans in to get a taste of Mark's cock.

It's good, salty skin, big enough to stretch his jaw a little but not so big as to be unmanageable. Mark's good too. He keeps his hands in Nick's hair, not being rude about it, but firm, making sure Nick knows how much he likes it, that he's there.

Nick can imagine Mark making him take it.

The thought makes him shiver all over.

"Okay?" Mark asks. His voice is gratifyingly rough.

Nick says, "Mmm," as much of an agreement as he can manage with a mouth full of cock.

Mark appreciates it, if the momentary tightening of his hands in Nick's hair is anything to go by.

Nick is nothing if not accomplished at giving blow jobs, so he sets to making this part good for Mark, something he easily succeeds at, given the way Mark murmurs encouragement above him. He swallows when Mark comes, holding Mark's cock in his mouth until Mark's hands gently move him away.

Nick licks his lips, catching any stray drops of spit or come and enjoying the way Mark watches him closely.

"God," Mark says. "Come here." He holds Nick's arm to help him stand, and then kisses him full on, open mouth, tongues involved, licking at the traces of his own come in Nick's mouth.

The lack of hesitation means Nick has no problem outright asking, "You going to suck me off?"

Mark reaches down to cup Nick's cock in his hand. "Yeah." He squeezes, then lets go. "Lie down."

Nick does, stretching out on his back on Mark's bed, head propped up on a pillow so he can watch.

Mark runs his hands up Nick's legs as he lies down between them. Some guys don't appreciate Nick's legs the way they should; it's nice to be with someone who does.

Mark kisses the inside of his thigh before he licks up Nick's cock. It's the best kind of tease, especially because it doesn't last long. Mark gets right to sucking him, mouth tight and hot around his cock. He cups Nick's balls in his hand while he sucks him, and he looks good like that, not quite the same look as Nick's model hookups, but solid and real, and well fit to boot.

Nick's turned on enough from being on his knees for Mark that it doesn't take long before he's gasping out a warning and coming down Mark's throat.

Mark licks him clean for as long as he can stand it, then scoots the rest of the way up the bed to lie next to Nick. Nick turns easily into him for a few minutes of come-flavored snogging.

"That was dead nice," Nick says.

Mark laughs. "It was." He runs his hand through Nick's hair. "You staying?" He nips at Nick's jaw. "We can do that again in the morning."

Morning afters are the kind of inherently awkward that Nick prefers to avoid, but not as much as he wants to stay in Mark's bed. "Yeah, just have to text my friend to take care of the dogs."

Mark smiles at him, and keeps smiling while he watches from the bed as Nick finds his jeans and phone on the floor.

*

Dating Mark is fun. He seems to genuinely like Nick as much as Nick likes him. He has his own life and his own friends, so Nick never feels like he has to worry that Mark is sitting around waiting for him. Nick likes Mark's friends, and his friends like Mark. The sex is great. The only thing keeping it from being a one hundred percent perfect relationship for Nick is that the great sex they're having isn't great kinky sex.

It's probably never going to be, Nick thinks, because even though he's coming to trust Mark, might be falling in love with him, he still can't imagine ever talking to him about something like that.

It's been a little over three months when they go back to Nick's one night. It's early still, because they'd been out with some of Mark's friends who'd had to get home to the babysitter, and they'd each only had two glasses of wine.

They take the dogs out for a walk, holding hands while Nick holds onto both leashes and lets Pig and Stinky range ahead of them. It's a short walk, and when they get back they're kissing as soon as Nick gets the dogs' leashes off.

They trip up the stairs. Nick loves his house, but sometimes, when he's rushing to get to his bedroom for sex, he regrets just how tall it is.

They're both smiling, and Mark tugs Nick into a kiss just inside the door of the bedroom.

"Wait, wait," Nick gasps out. He pushes Mark away and turns to close the door so the dogs won't interrupt them. When he turns back, Mark is already stripping out of his clothes. Nick wolf-whistles at him.

Mark laughs, and makes a little bit of a show of it. Nick's breath goes short and choppy. Fuck, Mark is fit, and he loves that Mark is willing to do this for him, be funny and sexy all at once.

"Your turn," Mark says when he's naked.

Nick returns the favor, drawing his shirt off slowly, taking his socks off quickly. He pops the button on his jeans and toys with the zipper pull for a second before unzipping and pushing his jeans down his legs one centimeter at a time.

When he looks up after carefully stepping out of them so he doesn't trip and make a right knob of himself, Mark is watching him, eyes hot, and stroking his cock.

Nick takes off his pants at the same slow, deliberate pace.

Mark lets go of his cock and crooks his fingers to beckon Nick to him. "Gorgeous," he says against Nick's mouth. Then they're snogging and Mark turns them so Nick's on the bottom when they tip into bed.

Mark laces their fingers together and pulls them up above their heads. He gets them lined up just right, cocks rubbing together, lips catching and parting in heated kisses.

"God," Mark says. "I want to just hold you down and make you come like this. Can I?"

Nick goes hot all over, and then ice cold with the bad kind of fear. He's never without something to say, makes a living from being able to fill silences, but now all he can say is, "Um."

Mark lets go of his hands and sits back on his heels, frowning a little. "Do you not like it? I thought that was why Harry introduced us."

Nick sits up. This doesn't seem like the sort of conversation he should have lying down. It takes him a moment to figure out how to say what he wants to say, and Mark, to his credit, stays quiet and lets him.

"I do like that," he says. "I think I would like it with you. Later. I'm not-" He rubs a hand across his face. "I don't trust very easily. I need some time."

"Hey." Mark tips Nick's chin up, making Nick look at him. "I'm not going to pretend I'm not disappointed, because I am." He rubs his knuckles under Nick's chin. "I really want to hold you down and make you take it. And not being able to do that ever would probably be a dealbreaker for me. But if you think you'll want it with me, I can wait for it."

Nick squeezes his eyes shut against a rush of tears he doesn't want to let fall. "I will. I do. It's still the bad kind of scary right now."

"Oh, love, come here." Mark tugs Nick into his arms. He cups one hand over the back of Nick's head, letting him bury his face in Mark's shoulder, and runs the other up and down Nick's back. "I don't want to do anything that's bad for you."

It's horribly embarrassing to be practically crying into his boyfriend's shoulder when they've only been dating for three months, but it's also kind of nice that he can. And he trusts Mark enough to trust that he means what he says.

Nick takes a couple of deep breaths and pulls away. "Kind of ruined the mood, didn't I?"

"My fault," Mark says. "Not really the kind of thing to spring on someone in the middle of sex."

"Oh, God," Nick says, and now he feels on more usual footing. "At least you can talk about it. I was sure we'd never do anything like that because I didn't know how to bring it up."

"You're doing alright." Mark holds out his arms. "Fancy a bit of cuddle?"

Naked cuddling when they've both gone soft for reasons that have nothing to do with having come feels a bit awkward now that Nick isn't crying, not that it wasn't awkward then too. But Mark pulls the duvet up over them and strokes Nick's hair, and it's okay.

Mark breaks the silence, just when Nick feels like he's really calmed down.

"Do you want to bring it up when you're ready, or should I check in with you after a while?" He presses a kiss to Nick's hair, just firm enough to be felt. "I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, but I get the idea that might be easier for you."

It feels like a relief, that Mark wants to make it easier for him, that maybe he doesn't have to just come right out and say it when he's ready for it. "Yeah, I think that would be easier."

"Okay," Mark says. "How does six weeks sound?"

By then they'll be halfway to the record for Nick's longest relationship. It's close enough that if he does feel ready for it but not ready to bring it up, it won't feel like too long, but far enough away that he won't be able to dwell on it constantly. "Yeah," Nick says. "Six weeks."

"Alright." Mark tugs Nick's head up and kisses him. It's soft and slow and really very nice. "And if you're ready before that, you can ask me for it. You know I'm into it."

Nick makes a face and rolls over onto his back. "I don't think you're accounting for what a rubbish adult I am. Can't even talk to my boyfriend about kinky sex."

Mark rolls with him, putting one arm over Nick's chest and giving him a cuddle. "You're doing alright. And your boyfriend likes you rather a lot."

*

It takes several rounds of phone tag before Nick gets Harry on the line. They do a little bit of catching up before Nick can't contain himself anymore.

"Did you introduce me to Mark because you know he's into, you know, holding people down and kinky sex?"

"Yes," Harry says, sounding confused. "I told you you like the same things."

Nick waves a hand around even though Harry can't see him. "I thought you meant music and clothes and wine! Not kinky sex!"

Harry has the audacity to laugh at him. "That stuff too. I wouldn't try to set you up with someone who I didn't think you could at least have the possibility of having kinky sex with. And Mark's a good guy."

Nick makes a sound that lands somewhere in the vicinity of _ugh_. "I can't believe you didn't tell me that was what you meant."

"Well," Harry says reflectively, "it's not the sort of thing you say in the middle of a party. Unless it's, like, a kink-specific party."

"Oh my God," Nick says, half laughing. "I don't think that will ever be my scene."

"Not really mine either." Nick can hear the smile in Harry's voice. "Though I'm sure they're very nice."

Nick can't help laughing, as much at Harry's perennial goodwill as anything else. "I'm sure they are, Harold."

"Mark's very nice," Harry says.

If Nick were a different kind of person, he would blush. He isn't, so he very primly says, "He is."

"Nice enough to give you what you like?" And there goes Harry with that just saying things again.

"We talked about it," Nick admits. "I just, dunno. The trust thing."

"Mmm," Harry says. "Can take a bit."

"Yeah," Nick says, relieved that Harry understands. "That's it exactly. I want to, but not yet."

"He alright with that?"

Nick shrugs even though Harry can't see him. "He said he is. We're supposed to talk about it again later."

"That's good," Harry says. "Respecting your boundaries is a good sign that he takes your safety seriously. I wouldn't want you doing anything like that with someone who doesn't."

It's nice, that Harry cares so much, but that's not going to stop Nick from taking the piss. "What would you do about it, popstar? Going to sic your bodyguards on anyone who doesn't treat me right?"

Harry laughs. "I don't think I'll have to do anything like that to Mark."

Nick can't help smiling. "No," he says, "probably not."

*

Nick and Mark keep dating and texting and hooking up. There's a different sort of anticipation to it now that Nick knows what they might be building to. He feels it when they sit and talk for hours, that it's both getting to know Mark to see if they can be together for the long term and getting to know Mark so he can learn to trust him. He feels it when he's sucking Mark off and Mark's hands are gentle in his hair and he thinks maybe, maybe he can trust Mark to not be gentle. He feels it when Mark replies to his dick pic Snapchats with praise and his own pictures of his dick getting hard for Nick that make Nick feel the same glow that following Harry's directions gave him.

Six weeks is a long time and no time at all, and Nick is honestly surprised when he goes to Mark's for dinner and halfway through, Mark says, "It's been six weeks. How do you feel about letting me hold you down and make you take it?"

There's a moment where Nick is too surprised to feel anything, and then heat shoots through him, and then there's the fear, but not the kind that made him say no last time, the kind he felt with Harry, when it was scary but also exciting.

He has to suck in a breath before he talks because he all but stopped breathing. "Good," he manages. "I feel good."

The smile that spreads across Mark's face is delighted at first, and then tinged with a heat that makes Nick want to give up on dinner and skip straight to getting on his knees.

"Good," Mark says, the word full with satisfaction. "Let's talk about what you like and don't like." He takes a bite of his salad like this is actually a perfectly normal conversation to be having over dinner. Maybe it is. It's not like Nick would know.

Nick can feel himself turning bright red, all across his face and down his neck. Who knew that the trusting part would be easier than the talking about it part?

Mark takes pity on him. "Are you okay with me holding you down?"

The direct question unsticks Nick's tongue. "Yeah, yes, yeah, definitely. You can, like, put me where you want me, too. Make me stay there." His body is very confused about what to do with the mix of the arousal of thinking about it and the embarrassment of talking about it.

"Oh, I'm going to do that," Mark promises. "Can I tie you up?"

Nick thinks about Mark tying him up like Harry did, where he can't move at all and can really only take what Mark gives him. It's scarier than the thought of Mark holding him down, but it doesn't tip over into the bad kind of scary. "Yes," he says cautiously. "I've only done it once, and it was good."

Mark reaches across the table to curl his fingers around Nick's. "We'll work up to that. How much do you want it to hurt?"

Nick can't help scrunching up his face, which makes Mark laugh. "Not much. I like it a little rough, and it's-" He has to pause. "It's really good if you, like, pull my hair a little bit when I'm blowing you, to make me do what you want. I don't want you to really hurt me." Only then does it occur to him that just because they both like kinky sex doesn't mean they like the same kind of kinky sex. "Is that, like, something you want?"

Mark's thumb rubs across the back of Nick's hand. "It's not a dealbreaker. Later, I'd like it if you'd let me try spanking you, but not if you don't want it."

The words "spanking you" echo in Nick's head. His first instinct is to say never ever ever, but then he never thought he would be into the things he's into. "Maybe," he hedges.

"You don't have to decide now." Mark picks up his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. "Do you like having a safeword, or do you want me to stop if you say stop?"

Nick clutches convulsively at Mark's hand. "Stop if I say stop." Talking about it is still incredibly difficult, but if there's anything he should say flat out, it's this. "I don't like the idea of you not listening to what I say or not believing me."

Mark squeezes his hand, then rubs his thumb across it again, soothingly. "I'll listen to you. I promise." He smirks a bit, turning the conversation from serious to sexy again. "I might not give you what you want if you're not telling me to stop, but I'll listen."

Nick can feel that he's already bright red, but there's a different heat warming his cheeks now, the sexy kind taking over the embarrassed kind. "Yeah, alright. That's good."

"Do you need to know what I'm going to do," Mark asks, "or can I just do it?"

There's still a little bit of fear, so Nick says, "Maybe tell me, at least at the start."

"In that case," Mark says, "let's finish dinner, and then we can go into the bedroom and you can suck me off just the way I want it."

Nick shudders all over and his voice rasps when he says, "Yeah, alright."

Nick does talk professionally, so he manages to carry on a conversation through the rest of dinner, although he's not sure exactly what he's saying or if it's even coherent.

Mark puts the leftovers away after dinner, but tells Nick to just leave the rest, and they skip doing the washing up. He kisses Nick in the kitchen and holds his hand on the way to the bedroom where he kisses him again.

Mark takes off Nick's clothes, batting his hands away when Nick tries to help. "No. You're just letting me do things to you right now."

Nick lets out a moan, which would be embarrassing but for the way it makes Mark's eyes go dark.

"That's it," Mark says, and he finishes stripping Nick, leaving him standing naked in the middle of Mark's bedroom. He's been naked in the middle of Mark's bedroom before, but it feels different this time. It is different this time.

"God, you're gorgeous," Mark says. His eyes don't leave Nick's body as he strips off his own clothes.

Nick can feel his gaze as strongly as if it were an actual touch. "Mark," he says, and it comes out like a plea.

"Fuck," Mark breathes out. "Yeah, babe. Get on your knees."

Nick folds himself down more eagerly than he ever has before, and then has to wait there while Mark walks over to get something out of the nightstand.

"Here," Mark says when he's close enough for Nick to take it out of his hand but not close enough for Nick to get his mouth on Mark's cock.

Nick takes what turns out to be a small plastic ball that jingles as it moves.

"Hold onto that," Mark explains before Nick can ask. "If you need me to stop, shake it or drop it." He cups a hand around Nick's cheek. "I'll hear it and stop."

Nick nods and rubs his cheek into Mark's hand. Someone who's putting his safety first, just like Harry told him to look for. "Yeah, thanks."

Mark smiles at him softly for a moment, before he presses his thumb against Nick's lips. Nick lets them part around it. He knows how to do this, to look up from under his lashes at Mark while he sucks on Mark's thumb.

"Oh, you know how hot you are," Mark says with a little bit of a smile. "Well, you're not wrong." He takes his thumb away and replaces it with his cock. He presses in all at once, forcing Nick to take it just at the limit of what he can handle.

Nick automatically reaches up to touch Mark.

"Uh-uh," Mark says. "Give me your hands."

It's so hot, and Nick holds his hands up for Mark.

Mark wraps his hands around Nick's wrists and holds them there, so Nick's arms are stretched up over his head and he has no leverage to resist what Mark wants to do to him.

It's not scary, or not in a bad way. He has the jingly ball in his hands, and he trusts that Mark will stop if he needs to. It just feels good, the fun kind of dangerous, heat sliding through him. He's hard, all the way hard, and Mark's cock is thick and hard in his mouth.

Mark starts to fuck his mouth, slow and gentle at first. Nick curves his tongue around Mark's cock, pressing it against the top of his mouth, making everything nice and tight and wet for Mark. That feels good, too, knowing that he can do that for Mark.

Mark shifts his grip, bringing Nick's wrists together and holding them there with just one hand wrapped around them. It doesn't feel as secure, but then his other hand weaves into Nick's hair and starts directing him that way and Nick doesn't want him to do anything other than what he's doing right now.

Nick loses himself in it, loses any sense of time or place, knows only that he's on his knees for Mark, that he's doing exactly what Mark wants, that he's taking exactly what Mark wants him to. He keeps his hand clasped tight around the jingle ball, the only thing he has to do on his own, because he doesn't want anything to make Mark stop.

"That's it," Mark says. "Just take it for me. God, you're gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous and so good for me."

The way Mark talks to him makes it even better, makes everything just perfect.

Mark coming in his mouth is perfect too, absolute proof that Nick's done what Mark wanted, that he's been good, that he's pleased Mark.

He keeps Mark in his mouth until Mark uses the hand in his hair to gently pull him off.

"That was so good," Mark says. "You're so good." He lets go of Nick's hair and tugs at Nick's wrists with both hands. "Stand up for me, love."

Nick's knees are weak enough that he needs Mark's steadying presence to do it, and he leans gratefully into Mark's body when Mark kisses him.

Then Mark turns him around. "Put your arms around my neck." Mark helps Nick do what he's asking, so his arms are twisted back around Mark's neck and Nick is plastered to his body all the way down. "That's it, love." Mark kisses his neck. "Hold your wrist."

It takes a moment for the order to make its way through the haze of arousal and overwhelming feeling Nick is swimming through. He wraps his free hand around his wrist, locking his own arms in place.

"Good boy." Mark nips at Nick's neck. "You're being so good. Taking what I give you."

Nick lets out a sound that's embarrassingly like a whine. "Please."

"Oh, I'm going to take care of you," Mark promises. "I'm going to touch you exactly the way I want to."

The way he wants to is, at first, scattered and random. He touches Nick's shoulders, his thighs, his stomach, his nipples. They're gentle sometimes, the lightest stroke over Nick's hip, and less gentle others, a pinch to his nipple that feels like a shock running over his whole body.

Then it becomes more focused. Long strokes down his chest and up his thighs. Hands cupped around his hips while Mark kisses his neck. Fingers running down the crease of his thigh.

Then Mark wraps his hand around Nick's cock and his whole world turns to white. There's nothing but the feeling of Mark wanking him and how much he wants to come. He's vaguely aware that he's making noise, but it's not important. The only thing that matters is Mark's hand.

Mark keeps going. He keeps going, and he brings his other hand down to cup Nick's balls, one finger just teasing at the space behind them, and Nick comes so hard he finds out that when people talk about seeing stars, it's not just a metaphor.

His chest is heaving when he regains his senses, and he's leaning heavily on Mark while Mark strokes his chest and murmurs comforting things.

"You can let go of your hands now, love."

Nick's fingers don't want to let go, but he pries them apart and lets his arms fall down to his side. He winces a little, because he definitely feels that in his shoulders.

"Alright?" Mark asks.

Nick nods, not quite up to forming words, and again when Mark rubs his shoulders.

Mark guides Nick to uncurl his hand and tosses the jingly ball onto the bed. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Nick clutches at Mark's wrist. "Don't stop touching me." Saying it is scarier than anything they've done in the bedroom, but he can't bear the thought of Mark letting him go right now.

"Hey, hey, okay." Mark rubs at Nick's shoulders, presses a kiss to them. "If that's what you need, I won't stop."

They walk together to the loo, Mark pushing Nick a little but never letting go of him. He keeps one hand on Nick while he wets a flannel to clean him up, and hooks his ankle around Nick's while he washes his hands.

"A bit of a cuddle now?" Mark asks, even though the answer has to be obvious.

"Yeah."

Mark holds him close all the way back to the bed, and he keeps one hand on Nick while he uses the other to put the jingly ball on the nightstand. They curl up facing each other, arms around each other, legs tangled together, Nick's head on Mark's shoulder. Nick feels completely, utterly safe like this. It's comforting and lovely, and he's content to lie there without speaking for a while.

Of course, Nick is still himself, so he can only last so long in silence. "That was good," he finally says. "Thank you."

"Feel like I should be thanking you." Mark strokes Nick's hair. "You were absolutely lovely. Thank you for trusting me enough to do that with you."

Nick goes warm all over with pleasure.

*

"So," Aimee says as soon as Ian and Sunday are far enough across the park to be out of earshot, "how's the boyfriend?"

There is no possible way Nick can keep his face from showing how he feels about Mark so he doesn't even try. "Good. Great. Amazing. Best boyfriend ever."

"Is that right?"

"Yes." Nick tries to match her cool, arch tone, but doesn't manage it.

"Does that mean he's tying you up?"

" _Aimee_ , my God." Nick looks around. "You can't just ask that in the middle of the park."

Aimee pointedly matches his look around the park. "I'm not stupid. I know how things work for you. There's no one here. You can tell me all about the kinky sex you're having with the best boyfriend ever."

Nick is absolutely turning bright red. There's no way anyone will be able to alert him if he starts to burn in the sun. "Oh my God. I can't believe you're asking me this."

"You're the one who told everyone about your sexuality crisis." Aimee nudges him with an elbow. "Come on. I'm a boring married lady. Let me live vicariously through you."

Nick snorts. "I know the kind of things you and Ian get up to. You're not a boring married lady."

Aimee's pointed look doesn't let up.

Nick caves. "It's, God, amazing. Best sex of my life."

"Better than with Harry?"

"Yeah." Nick smiles, and lets her in on exactly what's happening in his life. "I wasn't falling in love with Harry."

"Nick!" Aimee throws her arms around him. "I'm so happy for you."

Nick leans into her arms. "I'm so happy. I almost can't believe how happy I am."

Aimee smacks a kiss onto his cheek. "You deserve to be happy. But don't think you're getting out of telling me about your sex life."

Nick laughs and reaches out for Sunday, whose approach keeps him from having to decide just then if he wants to tell her any of the details.

*

Mark comes over on a Saturday afternoon with an overnight bag that he drops in Nick's bedroom after they spend a few minutes snogging in the entryway. He puts his hands on Nick's hips.

"What do you have to do to leave the dogs alone for a bit? I brought some things to tie you up with."

Nick has to think past the sudden pounding of his heart. "They need a walk."

Mark looks at him, and at the bed. "Do you want company?"

Nick probably wouldn't have needed it before Mark mentioned tying him up, but now he doesn't want to be alone to obsess over it. "Yeah. Come with."

Mark smiles at him like he knows why Nick wants that - he probably does - and brushes a kiss across Nick's lips. "All right. Let's go."

They hold hands, both of the leashes held in Nick's free hand. It's not something he's done much, but they're pretty serious, they both know they're pretty serious, and they're as prepared as they can be for the day they get papped out together.

They don't talk about the rest of the afternoon on their walk, but when they get back to Nick's, Mark squeezes his hand and says, "You get them settled. Give me, like, ten minutes to get set up, and then come upstairs."

Nick makes sure the dogs have water and enough to occupy them that he can leave them alone for a bit. That doesn't take ten minutes, so he spends another couple of minutes scrolling through Instagram before the ten minutes is up and he can go upstairs.

Mark smiles at him gently when he goes into the bedroom. "You look nervous."

Nick resists his first instinct to brush it off. "I am a bit."

Mark puts his arms around him and just holds him for a long minute. "I won't do anything you don't want me to do." He kisses Nick's temple. "Promise. If you stay stop, I'll stop."

Nick nods. "Okay." He steps back and shakes out his shoulders. "I'm ready."

Mark smiles at him gently again before it changes to something more like a smirk. "I think I decide what you get."

The words and the tone send a shiver through Nick. "Right," he says faintly.

Mark backs away from him and sits down on the edge of the bed. "I want to watch you. Take your clothes off."

Nick has done enough photo shoots that included pictures of him putting shirts and jackets on and taking them back off that he can do it slowly, giving Mark a bit of a show. He's less practiced when he takes off his jeans, but more comfortable under the heated look Mark is giving him. And of course he's taken off his pants for a lover, so that piece he knows how to do.

Mark makes the universal gesture for doing a slow turn. "Give us a look at the whole thing."

Nick turns slowly, like he's showing off his newest fashion triumph.

"Very nice," Mark says with the slightest of smiles. He stands and beckons Nick with a crook of his fingers. "Come here."

Nick doesn't need a second invitation for that. As much as he likes being looked at, it's better to have Mark's arms around him, Mark's chest against his. Mark's hand sliding down his back to cup his arse.

"The things I want to do to you," Mark murmurs. He follows that up with the lightest of kisses to Nick's neck, so light it's a tease that leaves Nick aching for more.

"Please," Nick says, and his voice cracks embarrassingly over the word.

Mark cups the back of his head with the hand not on his arse and kisses him deeply. "The things I'm going to do to you." He keeps one hand on Nick while he turns him to the bed. "Lie down for me, love. On your back."

There are ropes tied to his bed, like the way Harry did it, but tied at the other end to a pair of cuffs. Lying down is scary in a good way, a way that makes Nick's heart race and his cock swell.

Mark straddles him, knees on either side of his hips, and picks up one of the cuffs. "They're Velcro." He fastens it and tears it open. "Easy to get you out of." He runs his hand down Nick's chest. "Okay?"

Nick nods. "Yeah." He stretches his arms toward the cuffs.

"God, you're wonderful." Mark bends down and kisses him for a glorious, long minute before he fastens the cuffs around Nick's wrists, checking with each one to make sure they're not too tight. Then he adjusts the rope tied to them until Nick's arms are stretched out with no room to move. "Still good?"

Nick is starting to feel a little dreamy with how hot and turned on he feels. "Yeah."

"Good." Mark kisses him again, and it's even more inexorable and inescapable than before with his hands tied.

Mark kisses over his chin, alternates light and sucking kisses down his throat, presses a kiss just below his collarbone. Then he sits up and takes off his shirt.

Nick can't do anything to help, or to touch. He can only watch while Mark gets out of his clothes without getting off the bed. He's still watching when Mark leans over without moving off of him to get the lube out of Nick's nightstand.

Then he does move, scooting down the bed and tapping Nick's thigh. "Legs apart. Knees up."

Nick's body won't do it for a moment, panicked at the vulnerability of it. He makes it, consciously brings his knees up and his legs apart. He's panting, unable to move his arms and arsehole on display and cock so hard.

Mark kisses his knee. "You're gorgeous." He squeezes lube onto his fingers, and then one of them is inside Nick.

He opens Nick up slowly, one finger for what feels like forever, until Nick is twisting and pushing into it as much as he can. Then a second, feeling all the thicker for being so long coming. Then a third, stretching him carefully and gently. More lube with every one, until it's a wet and easy slide every time Mark fucks his fingers into him.

He wants more than that, and he realizes he's asking for it. Begging for it, words and body too trying to get more from Mark, while Mark gives him only what he wants to give.

It's so good.

It's so good Nick feels like he could maybe come from just this. It's so good he can't stop making noise, not all of it with words. It's so good he can feel his eyes watering.

He cries out when Mark takes his fingers out.

Mark strokes down his thigh with the broad expanse of his hand. "I've got you, love."

Nick blinks back his tears enough to watch as Mark tears open a condom and rolls it on. He exhales hard and inhales the same way.

"That's it, love," Mark says. He strokes Nick's thigh, then pours out more lube to slick over the condom. Only when he says, "Breathe," does Nick realize he's been holding his breath in anticipation.

He breathes, as best he can, and Mark pushes his cock into him in torturously slow stops and starts. He can take more than that, has taken more than that from Mark, but it reminds him that he only gets as much as Mark is willing to give him.

He's tearing up again.

"You're so good for me." Mark kisses his temples, just at the corners of his eyes where his tears are starting to slide down his skin. "So good, love."

 

When he's all the way in, his hips fully cradled by Nick's, he reaches up and opens the cuffs.

Nick feels ungrounded and lost for the few moments before Mark puts his hands over Nick's wrists and presses them into the bed.

He sucks in a breath and it's so perfect he's definitely crying now, can hear the rasp of it in his voice when he says Mark's name, when he says, "Please," when he says, "Yes," over and over and over again.

"That's it," Mark says as he fucks him. "God, you're perfect. So perfect just taking it for me."

Then he shifts to hold both of Nick's wrists with one hand and brings the other down to Nick's cock. The sound Nick makes can best be described as a wail. Everything is so good, and so much. There's so much of Mark's skin touching his. He can't move. He's getting exactly what he wants, and he knows it's what Mark wants too.

It's overwhelming, and so is his orgasm when Mark wrings it out of him. He sobs, once, and keeps crying, tears dripping off his face, breath hitching. Mark keeps fucking him, and it's too much and so good, and even better when Mark comes and collapses onto him, holding him down with his whole body.

It only lasts a moment before Mark pulls back to deal with the condom. Nick can't help the bereft noise he makes when Mark moves away from him.

"Hey, I'm right here, love." Mark strokes a hand down Nick's thigh. It's better, and he keeps his hand there while he grabs for a wet wipe from the nightstand to clean Nick up with.

His skin is too cool in the wake of the wet wipe.

Then he's shivering, like he can't stop, and then Mark wraps one arm around him, uses the other to pull the duvet over them before putting the other around him too, and then it's okay. Then he feels safe and warm and held together, and it doesn't matter that there are still tears drying on his face.

"God, that was amazing," Mark murmurs to him. He keeps going, telling Nick how good it was, how good _he_ was.

Nick lets it all, the praise and the attention and what he's pretty sure is being head over heels in love with Mark, fill him up.

"That was," he says when he can speak again, "the absolute best sex of my entire life."

Mark breaks out in a brilliant smile that seems to light up the whole room. "That was phenomenal," he agrees. "I look forward to a lot more of it."

*

Nick has a whole crew of his favorite people over for a proper Sunday roast on a weekend when Harry's in town. Laughter and genial shouting fill up Nick's house.

There's a lull in there somewhere, while he's still cooking, when he ends up in the kitchen with only Henry and Gellz.

"Well," Gellz says, "you've certainly made quite the life for yourself. Dream job, great house, lots of friends, fit boyfriend who meets all your sexual needs."

Henry and Gellz burst out into laughter, probably at the look on Nick's face. He chooses not to look at a reflective surface to see exactly what that look is.

"Why are you going after me? Henry's got the same thing."

"He's had that for ages," Gellz says. "Yours is new."

"It's good," Henry says. He reaches across the space between them and squeezes Nick's hand.

Gellz squeezes Nick's other hand, and he's seriously in danger of weeping.

Henry's shoots him a smirk and breaks the moment. "Now you just need a couple of fat babies and it'll be everything you've ever wanted."

Nick is perhaps a little too slow to respond.

"Wait, really?" Gellz asks.

Nick shrugs. "We've talked about it a bit. Not, like, specifics. Not yet. But that we both want that."

Aimee comes in on the tail end of that conversation and says, "Enjoy some time alone first. Trust me, once you have a baby, leisurely afternoons full of adventurous sex become a thing of the past."

They all laugh, and Harry finds them like that, cracking up in Nick's kitchen.

Harry smiles at all of them. "Are we laughing at Grimmy?"

"Aimee," Gellz corrects. "But him before that. Him and his perfect life with his perfect boyfriend."

Nick can't even dispute any of that, because both his life and his boyfriend are pretty much perfect.

Harry looks absolutely smug. "That's all because of me. I introduced them." He comes over to throw an arm over Nick's shoulders. "I want all the credit."

"From what we hear," Aimee says, "you get credit for more than that." She honest to God waggles her eyebrows.

Nick can feel himself turning bright red. "Aimee!"

"Is she wrong?" Harry asks, grinning.

Nick pushes him away. "You're terrible." He relents in the face of Harry's grin. "But thank you."

"You're so happy." Harry's back to smug. "I want all the credit."

"Oh, I think I get some of that," Mark says.

Nick's attention goes to him instantly, no chance he could ever have kept it away. Mark has a wine glass dangling from one hand, skinny jeans and a loose button down making him look effortlessly like he could be in a photoshoot, and is the man Nick is in love with.

Nick abandons his cooking, just for a minute, so it's not just his attention on Mark, but also his mouth and his hands. "You do," he says against Mark's cheek. He thinks about saying more, but it seems like the first time he tells Mark he loves him shouldn't be in the middle of the party with all of Nick's closest friends watching them.

Mark presses his lips to Nick's cheek. "You get a lot of it too." He grins at everyone else. "But Harry can have some of it. Just a little bit."

Nick's friends laugh, and his life really is just about perfect.


End file.
